Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.