remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall