yea but for you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I just put wine in my tea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4