all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer