Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
