Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
