i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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