My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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