Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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