Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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