There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
