I didn't shave. On purpose
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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