so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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