like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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