If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
