Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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