when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
