the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
