If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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