you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
soo... how was my night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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