Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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