Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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