never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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