You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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