In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
