so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize