I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
