I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
