he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I forget how to act sober
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