Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
