What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
