i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
