i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's blow job season.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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