I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
