I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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