I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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