I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
