yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
