This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
