turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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