my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
