I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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