Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize