Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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