he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
