I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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