Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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