Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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