You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
