A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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