I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
