just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
