He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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