it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
