fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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