I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
