my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?