Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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