I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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