I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
