WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
