the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
