Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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