I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
